Dream #13

I have a son of about twenty
He resents me strongly
And is hurting

Puzzled, I wonder how or when
This all happened
It seems overnight
I am someone's mother
And have been for some time
I still feel the same as I did yesterday
Back in reality

In the dream
Whilst staring at patterned walls
I remember there was
Another dream
I'd had
When I gave birth
In a strange
Half hospital
Half department store
In the beauty section
Abandoned and ashamed
By default
Crying under a pink blanket
That gave no warmth

'This must be when..'

Back to the present
I am older somehow
Though I feel no time
Has passed
Almost as if realisation
Of his birth
Has aged me instantly
I'm living like a has been
Twenties filmstar
In this vast mansion
Full of ornate, dusty
Pretty things
Respected but alone

It's the 1970's
My son is androgynous
And so beautiful it hurts
Dressed in last night's
Fur and beige velvet
Smatterings of silver glitter
On blushed rose cheeks
Effortlessly perfect
Even as a mess
Translucent skin and
Peach beestung pout
As he stands
Talking to his friends about me
I can feel that
He is bitter
As the frozen morning

Sadness in my heart
I know I can never
Change his mind
Or the reason
He feels this way
Though I still have no idea
Why
All I am sure of
Is the boundless, ceaseless
Love I have for him

Leafing through a book of
Opulent photographs
I've taken years ago
Of now antique coloured glass
And decorative objects I've owned
I recall a tiny flame
I once had
In the deepest pit
In the dark caverns
Of my body

My lover doesn't understand
What these photos mean
I feel I did, once,
But not now

Pictures of
Dolls houses turn into
Intricate models
Of candlelit Bethlehem